i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
