DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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