mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
