Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
