Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
