wat bout pragnant strippers??
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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