weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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