I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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