I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
