they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
