I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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