There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize