The maid of honor just puked.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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