you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
