It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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