Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
