what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
