Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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