So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
