Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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