I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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