4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
