dude i'm inner monologue high
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
