when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
