If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize