Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
