ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
