Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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