It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
