I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The adults are the big ones right?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
