have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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