I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
