im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
