So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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