New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
