He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
