Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
