...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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