I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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