Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
