new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
