the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
