so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
