I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I still have a little drunk in my system
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
