You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
