i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
