I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
