I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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