life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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