sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
