Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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