You're my little dorito
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
