no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize