My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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