I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize