I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
