Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
