Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
