All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
