The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
