Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
