You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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