we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
