Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
