I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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