Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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