You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
