Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
