Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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