just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
