well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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