oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
