Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
