Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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