onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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