ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize