At least make sure they are 18
Why
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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