Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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