Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
