please come you make the beer taste better
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
