Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize