I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
