At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
