We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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