She said her name was "party"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
