she woke up with a sticky ear
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
