she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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