I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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