smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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