a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
