I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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