There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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