my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
